A decade ago, I considered myself a part-time feminist. That was mostly because I wasn’t sure what feminism really meant. Bra burners and hunger strikers? That was not my scene. I didn’t trust someone who was crazy enough to burn a bra, let alone someone who didn’t wear one in public (could you get anymore scandalous?).
In a recent podcast episode, millennial culture commentator Kate Kennedy similarly referred to herself as an occasional “garbage feminist,” noting that she used to believe something along the lines of “Ew, feminists are difficult, I want to be hot and fun.”
This past month, there’s been a lot going on in the world that revolves around women’s roles in society — their value, their choices, and their capabilities. And as a whole, we’re too caught up in the choices they’re making and not giving enough credence to the radical concept that women and men are equal.
Successful financial podcaster, author, and business woman Tori Dunlap recently received negative backlash after posting a picture of herself in a swimming suit with the clever caption, “became a millionaire by living rent-free in men’s heads.”
She lost ten of thousands of followers overnight, with comments critiquing her brand, her body, and her professionalism. Commenters expressed disappointment with her decision to post something so “improper” on a finance account. Despite Tori’s explicit focus on fighting the patriarchy by feminizing finance (with enough snark to keep even the most tepid audience smiling), people expected her to adhere to some unwritten rules for female leaders across fields.
Meek, quietly confident.
Powerful, but doesn’t flaunt it.
Humble.
Tame and small.
Tori rightly pointed out that the reactions would have been very different if she were a skinny woman or a shirtless man. Equality is still a ways off, even in a world aimed at attracting those fighting the patriarchy through finance.
My current culture and finance idol Katie Tassin (who also helped me out of postpartum depression) recently pointed out a couple other cultural moments of devaluing women in the USA and obsessing over their choices rather than working toward equality in failing structures.
“The Capital Gaze” investigates the troubling implications of underpaying the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders in a larger capitalist system. Written with the backdrop of the recent Netflix series on the intense bodily and time commitments of Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, Katie critiques the low pay and high work (+ aesthetic) expectations of America’s Sweethearts. As the Chief Brand Officer and Co-Owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Charlotte Jones is compensated roughly 1.5 million dollars each year. Yet she insists that the cheerleaders themselves should be grateful for the chance to live their dream without better compensation (their current pay equates to about 22k a year). Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders must work hard to obtain the coveted, iconic uniforms and after surviving grueling and competitive tryouts, they occupy a position that requires a lot from them physically, mentally, and emotionally. The compensation for their choices and skills smells of inequality, but we get hung up on their choices. Defenders of their pay structure claim it’s a privilege for these women to be a part of this unique sisterhood, that they willingly chose this path so why worry ourselves with pay equity if the supply is keeping up with the demand?
Katie’s other recent piece “A woman’s right choose” examines Ballerina Farm after the recent New York Times exposé dropped, which painted the Juilliard graduate Hannah Neelman as captive to a manipulative husband’s (and religion’s) patriarchal familial structures. Amidst a social media storm of women defending Hannah Neeleman’s lifestyle as well as those claiming she needs rescuing from a controlling husband and domestic workload, conversations almost always focused on choice.
In response to this commentary and subsequent reactions, Katie made a post on Instagram about what exactly feminism is: Feminism is about choice equality.
Feminist leader and icon of the Ordain Women movement, Kate Kelly has similarly asserted that "Equality is not a feeling. Equality is measurable” — a slogan many Latter Day Saint (Mormon) feminists have also latched onto in recent years.
In my local Faith and Feminism discussion group I’ve been running since 2020, we have had a lot of participants with different experiences regarding paid and unpaid labor, caregiving responsibilities, marriage, and finances. One conversation that has repeatedly come up is how to support women in their individual choices (women supporting women even if you disagree with their choices/would make different ones) and how to make sure women are making educated decisions.
But I think this is where Katie hit the nail on the head: If we're hyper-focused on policing choices and making sure women are making informed decisions (and feeling empowered about those choices), we're missing the bigger picture. It’s almost like choice is a distraction from building an equitable society, one where we don’t care if our financial gurus wear swimming suits and we do care if female athletes are paid fairly.
It’s left me thinking, is choice a red herring in the quest for equality?
PS — Now is a great time to grab one of my courses to talk more about what equality and choice really mean in your financial and religious experiences! Hop over to my shop to get yours today.
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